BEFORE PREPARING FOR MARRIAGE

 

 

 
 

Here are some questions that must be answered as a single in the positive BEFORE marriage, or quickly thereafter:

1. Do you know yourself? It is important to find the right person. But do you consider yourself to be the right person? This includes knowing what you do and do not like, being psychologically healthy, trustworthy, empathetic and able to share and care for another person. The qualities you search for apply to you, too. The more you know yourself, the more you’ll know what to look for in another person and the consequences of what you did not expect will be felt less. If you do not know yourself, no relationship will complete you.

2. Have you acquired the necessary knowledge? Always go in search of books relating to marriage on how to make it work so as to equip yourself, like making marriage work, covenant marriage author by Pastor Faith Oyedepo,   Marriage is a journey you have never embarked on; you need to be prepared for it. As my father in the Lord ( Bishop David Oyedepo) will always say ‘’ you don’t prepare in marriage, you prepare for marriage’’. It takes knowledge to understand  marriage. Most  people tend to forget the different between wedding and marriage. Wedding is an initiation to marriage and a matter of few hours and marriage is a life time commitment, how elaborate your wedding is does not determine a happy home.''What you don’t know you suffer for it.''

3. Do you accept each other for who you really are? This means you realize no one is perfect. Everyone has faults, limits and certain attributes that may be detestable to you. Marital problems begin as one party tries to change the other. Change is difficult, and no one can force another to change. You are responsible only for the changes made in yourself.

4. While dating and engaged, has your life been tranquil? This includes getting along with others, knowing how to solve problems, conversing civilly and applying empathy, tolerance and good will. Arguing is normal within any intimate relationship, but you need to be sure that the arguments are constructive, resolve problems and provide solutions to questions. If conflicts are ugly and disrespectful, do not expect it to get better after marriage.

5. Do you have a good relationship with God? When you develop quality relationship with God you won’t be under pressure in your marriage or relationships and you will always celebrate God for every disappointment or broken relationship because some broken relationships are deliverance in disguise.

6. Do you like yourself or the feeling that comes when you are with your significant other? It is imperative that you know, and can be, yourself. There is harmony when you and the one you love connect through similar interests, attitudes and values. Be sure that you feel comfortable in each other’s presence. Similarities strengthen the relationship.

7. Do you feel spiritually comfortable around her? You do not need to be religious to know that how your spouse feels and acts about the divine will influence your relationship. Someone with an open heart; who is generous, charitable, humble and cultures faith and hope daily is better company than someone who repels correction, believes repentance and forgiveness to be "things of the believers" or mocks other religions.

8. Do you share compatible interests, attitudes and values? This is fundamental. If both focus on building a life and family together, with similar objectives, the power to overcome marital problems is strengthened. This includes self-esteem levels, physical appearance, education levels, family situations and other abilities used to build a successful relationship.

9. What do you expect from your husband after marriage? Today, male and female roles are ill-defined. It is essential, however, that you know exactly what you expect from each other. In a marriage, we are partners, parents, and companions responsible for sustaining a family as lovers, friends and confidants. We help each other, play, clean and collaborate.

10. Do you feel sufficiently sexually attracted to her? Far from being everything in a marriage, but is an important part where humour, sociability, affection and confidence nurture romanticism and contribute to the chemistry between man and wife. Remember, affection and being together does not mean that you need to have sex all the time.

11. Do you feel comfortable while you are around her family and friends? It is said that when you marry the individual, you marry the family. If this harmony does not develop, eventually, it will affect your relationship. This includes how your wife feels relative to the people who are close to you.

12. Are you interested in making him/her happy? This means letting him go after his dreams, supporting him and admiring his/her potential. While a successful marriage includes your happiness, you will still need to do your part, and not always putting yourself first.

13. Do you have a solid friendship? This means being loyal, honest, trustworthy, which are supports of a long-lasting marriage. Invest in communication. Humans enjoy talking to and being with their good friends. Ponder that.

14. Are your hygiene and habits compatible? Normally, people do not think of these as requirements for a good marriage, but it is essential to know how to take care of and present yourself, and how to contribute to the cleanliness of places you will live together. Some people are heavenly minded that they forget what is happening around them. There are so carried away by spirituality- 1 Corinthians 6:20. This improves the health of the couple and the children to come.

 

15. Are you willing to accept the responsibility of making the marriage work? This means you will not give up when problems arise. Personality attributes such as narcissism can pick away at a loving relationship and destroy the family. Ask her to do the same. Ponder and analyse each question. It is not much. You do not need to be perfect in every requirement to be happy during marriage. However, good intentions, unity and the desire to better yourselves in each of these points are important for a successful marriage. Without good intentions,good any one of these points will snowball and destroy the relationship. Here are some hidden truths about marriage that may help you make a decision. Love can conquer all. But a matured love, one that has grown together, that is interesting, strong and unified can do so much more.
 
 
 
 
 

BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN ACTIONS

 

 

If you are in the habit of blaming others for your attitude, behaviour, thoughts or words, make a conscious attempt to stop. We are in control of our own actions. Learn how humility, guts and a willingness to improve can change your life.

I read a story of a student who sat in her class and had trouble controlling her amusement with the class clown. After several demands from her teacher to cease her laughter, she later explained that her friend was making her laugh. The teacher quickly responded with an inquiry “does your friend push a button on a remote control that says ‘you should laugh?’”

We can rephrase the teacher’s question to fit any of our circumstances. Does someone else have a remote control that makes us say unkind things, abuse a spouse or a child, prostitute, fornicate, sleep too much, to be arrogant, abusive, think about something that we shouldn’t, waste our time, lie, steal, cheat or be dishonest? We are free to choose as we wish and, as such are responsible for the choices that we make. With that in mind, when someone in your family makes unwise choices, it is not your fault. You can be there to offer love and encouragement as she deals with the consequences of her actions, but you should not blame yourself for the choices of others.

Each and every one of us holds our own remote control that enables us to choose our behaviour. We can use it to make people smile, encourage others, serve those in need and take care of our family. Accepting responsibility for our own actions requires humility, guts and a willingness to improve ourselves.

Humility

it is OK not to be the best, the smartest or the most talented. Humility is a powerful characteristic which allows you to grow. It is accepting responsibility for your actions and their consequences. We should never blame others for our circumstances. As we develop the ability to be humble, we will be able to submit ourselves to whatever circumstances we find ourselves. We will have the strength necessary to overcome any obstacle.

Guts
Admitting that we have made a mistake, that we are not all knowing and that we are imperfect takes guts and courage. Taking the blame for mistakes you have made or of your personal failures will allow you to become successful. Michael Jordan has become one of the most well-known basketball players in history. He explains "I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions, I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot, and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." Instead of trying to be better than your neighbour, compete with yourself. Have the guts necessary to keep on improving.

Willingness to improve

Once you accept the way things are you are on the road to greater success and happiness. Set realistic expectations for yourself and be willing to set goals that will stretch you and help you to become a better person. If you are too busy blaming others for your misfortunes, you will not have time to improve on your attitude or your circumstances.

This knowledge should dispel any temptation to blame someone else for our adversity, trials, luck or success. We are responsible to take action with the resources at our disposal. We can choose to learn from the encouragement and disappointments others offer along the path of life. May God give us the grace to  work on our weaknesses.

YOU ARE UNIQUE

Have you ever looked at someone, wishing you were them? Most of us have, some do it once in a while some others do it so excessively that it affects their self image.

 

You have to understand that you are special and unique. There is only one of YOU in the entire world, because God did not do mass production like most manufacturers do, but he set out time out of his busy schedule of overseeing the world, to create YOU specially. Even though you are an identical twin, there is still only one of each of you in the entire world!

Above all, the lord sent his ONLY beloved son to die for you, and don’t think that he did that because there were many sinners, if you were the only one he would still have died for you. Your course in life is unique to YOU alone, so stop comparing yourself to people.

If you think your birth was a mistake , you should have a rethought. People have miscarriages and people die everyday but for crying out loud, you are on earth! And still living till now! No matter your situation, your background, what your past was, what your present is or whatever excuse you have that makes you look down on yourself, YOU are still very SPECIAL! The bible says everything works together for the good of those that believe in God, so whatever has happened to you or is happening to you either good or bad does not make you any less special but instead makes you stronger and shapes you into the person God wants you to be.

 

Embrace your identity and all the uniqueness it comes with dear, you are YOU and there will never be another YOU either living or yet to come.

Remain bless.

DETERMINING OUR DESTINY

 

 

 

 

 

 

''Our destiny is determined by what we choose to do each time we stumble''.

Our destiny is not determined by the number of times we stumble but by the number of times we rise up, dust ourselves off, and move forward, we often find obstacles in the way of our dreams. However, all is not lost as long as we continue striving to reach our goals.

The number of times we stumble

when we meet with challenges, we have two options: we can either give up or we can fight for what we want. Often, our trials can be viewed by others as reasonable excuses to let go of our life dreams. Many people, trying to help, may even encourage us to stop trying because they worry how potential failures will affect us. But when we stop attempting to succeed in life we ultimately hurt ourselves, often giving in to the depression that comes with failure and neglected goals. Only when we accept our guaranteed future stumbles will we be able to see them for what they are: merely setbacks along our journey to success.

Rise up
The idea of serving others while enduring our own struggles can at times seem illogical and unimportant. However, there is a power that comes to individuals who consistently make service part of their lives, regardless of their own personal circumstances. While working toward our personal goals is rewarding, the experiences gained from serving others are lessons impossible to learn elsewhere. The only way to truly understand the soul-magnifying experience of service is to do it.

The service we give others doesn’t have to consist of huge, time-consuming hours. Taking the time to listen, being patient in a long line, or reading a story to a child are small acts most can do. There are opportunities to serve all around us, most of which can be found within the walls of our homes. Serving in our homes isn’t the most glamorous of projects and often is done without recognition. But the relationships we forge within our families are the ones that ultimately give us the greatest peace and enjoyment throughout our lives.

Dust off

It can be OK to change our dreams, especially if those dreams mature and change for the better. Changing goals does not mean we’ve failed, it instead means we have chosen a different path. It is important to have dreams so our souls can have something to attain to. No matter the challenging circumstances, not having goals can cripple us spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Good goals help our spirits soar as we attempt to push ourselves in ways to better ourselves and others.

Move forward

As we continually stumble and rise along life’s paths we learn from our trials and mistakes. The act of persevering, no matter how slowly, is important. Often, it is only at the end of our road that we realize how those trials actually helped mould us into the courageous people we are. Habakkuk2:3. Don’t lose heart; dust off and move forward. God bless you all.

 

ACCEPTING TRIALS FOR OUR GROWTH

Life is full of choices: Water or soda? Which job to take? Which bank to choose? What shoe to wear, Black shoes or red? Every day we make hundreds of small choices and a few big ones. There are things we have control over and things we don't. One of the biggest things we can control is our attitude. Not easy — to be sure — but ultimately we choose how we handle things.

We all have trials. Often the first thing we think of to do is pray that they go away. Please God make my kids behave, Please God change my marital status this year, and God bless my marriage with the fruit of the womb, Want to gain admission to school, Please make him love me. Yes it’s always good to confront them in prayer but at the same time we need to learn from it. When those things don't happen according to our own plan, we sometimes blame God for not answering our prayers. We get angry. We give up. see this Jeremiah 29:11.

Another way to look at these trials is that they are just that — trials. They are given to us as little gifts to help us become the people we need to become to be worthy to return to God. So instead of cursing the challenges and asking God why me! , we can change our outlook and our attitude and make the best out of the moment while it last because no condition is permanent in life. Instead of asking for an end to the storm, we can adjust our sails. Rather than praying for an end to our trials, we can embrace them and ask, "What would you have me learn from these?"

Tips on getting through it all:

1. Examine what is going on and why — then act on it. For example, The kids are misbehaving. Is it because they are learning the art of the stage? Let them fuss. Is it because they are attention-seeking because we have been super busy with other things? Maybe we should give them a little more of our time. Is it because there is something else bothering them? Problems at school? We need to ask and listen. But, rather than being miserable through it or praying it away, we ought to smile, learn and tell them we love them and wouldn't trade them for the world. Well I don't have any yet but I have lived with them.

2. Accept what you cannot change. Are you troubled because you are not going for NYSC to serve with your mate coz of that carry over , or have served for 5years now and no job, you are so depressed coz all your friends are now married and you are still single. Now what?  we need to learn reliance on God. It's OK to ask him to make the circumstance go away. But if the answer to our prayers  are been delayed, accept it and learn to live and love every moment. We can find joy in every moment in between. Sudden and unexpected unemployment? Maybe there's a better one around the corner. Maybe it's time for some further education or training. Perhaps we have a talent that is not being fulfilled. we should make the most of our time and learn from it.

3. Remember that some trials are to teach us about ourselves. When Abraham was asked to sacrifice Isaac, it wasn't to prove to God how obedient he was. It was for Abraham to learn how obedient he was. God already knew him.

4. Other trails are to see how we will react. Sometimes a trial is given to us to see how we will handle it. Will we grouse or will we make the best of a bad situation? Will we turn our back on those we love, including God? Or, will we turn to him and to our circles of support and lean on them and, realizing that the trial probably affects more than just you, allow them to lean on us?

5. Keep the lines of communication open. Live worthy to receive the gift of promptings and pray always. When we pray, we need to remember it is a two-way conversation and take a moment to listen at the end. Also, we should remember to thank him for all that we do have before we lay out our problems to him.

6. Seek opportunities to serve. It may sound silly when we are in the midst of chaos to seek out someone else to serve, but it works. Also serving in the house of God is profitable Exodus 23:25-26. There is great peace found in service and closeness to God that can't be felt elsewhere. We can always easily find someone worse off than we are and help them.

I think there are lessons I have missed learning because I prayed the trials away before I had a chance to learn from them. Now I try to remember to accept and ask God, "What would you have me learn from this?”. In every situation always be joyful & gives thanks to God coz he is too faithful to fail.

 

HEAVEN OR HELL?

Recently  I came across this story on the testimony of heaven and hell and the condition of today's church  and it really got me thinking. I know a lot of people have read something similar to this or heard stories like this and are probably tired of listening to such stories over again, so they doubt the authenticity and probably just shun similar stories. Truth is whether such stories are true or not, The Bible has made us to understand that the world is definitely coming to an end one day and we will all be judged according to our acts on earth. So the question is do YOU want to make heaven or hell?

 

I have watched loved ones die, and attended a few burial ceremonies, each reminding me that one day I would go under the ground too. The funny thing about life is that it is so uncertain, I have seen people alive one moment and the next day dead! We never really know when we will die but as Christians we hope to live long. Also, God can decide that it’s our time to go at any point in time and we can’t question his decisions. That is why for everyday you are able to wake up, no matter your condition you should actually give thanks to God because it is not normal, it is a PRIVILEDGE. A lot of people holier and better than you did not wake up to see another day but you did!

I really don’t want to divert so much from the reason why I decided to write this article so let me just get to it.

Hell is a really bad place to go to because the suffering is real and everlasting but since we have heaven which is a far better place, we should work towards getting there. You need to understand that the race of life is a very personal race. Your mum, dad, spouse or best friend can not help you to make heaven. I really don’t want to sound like a pastor now or sound so religious but I just want to pass a message across to whoever is reading this. We have all gotten so engrossed in things of the world and when I say things of the world I don’t necessarily mean bad things. It could be our academics, jobs and all that keeps us busy. We have gotten so busy with them that we forget the essence of our living. Note that whatever we do here on earth does not matter at all after we are gone. I am sure you might have attended a burial and seen that even the rich get buried with nothing. They go empty!

So please let’s not forget that we are here for only a while, YOU have to make heaven, WE have to! The suffering in hell is real and unbearable! We have to practically work towards making heaven. We have to plan, work and determine in our heart to make heaven. And start now because you never know when the time will come. Take a break, sit down and actually reflect on your life. Yes, God has given us a free passport to heaven which is salvation but if you claim to have given your life to Christ, can you confidently say that you are sure of making it to heaven with the way you go about your daily life?

 

This is left for us to decide and start making changes in the areas of our life that  we need to, and also, rededicate our life if we want to live with God forever. May God give us the grace to live a righteous life. According to Bishop David O. Oyedepo, he says it is foolishness to be shameful of what is gainful!

 

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT FOR NEWLY WED

 

My husband and I will be celebrating  our one-year anniversary by November. We have always heard that the first year is the hardest, so in some ways, it’s hard to believe that marriage gets even better from here. In other ways, we completely agree because there was so much we needed to learn about conflict management. Whether you’re a newlywed or an old pro, we hope that the insights we have gained will decrease the contention and increase the love in your marriage, too.
State your expectations.

Like almost every other couple ever, my husband and I come from very different families and therefore have very different ideas of what “normal” home life is like. It took a full year for me to realize that it didn’t matter how obvious a course of action seemed to be; my husband really had no idea what I thought he ought to do. He realized the same was true of me.

Be more open about the things you think are “obvious.” It's as simple as saying, “I was thinking you were going to help me clear the table,” and, “Oh sorry, I thought if you wanted me to help, you would ask.” Your conflicts will decrease immediately and you'll have a few good laughs about it, too.

The early years of marriage play an important role in what your family culture will be. Together, you establish the value system that defines your family. The first step in this process is to make your assumptions known. This takes a lot of work. (After all, most expectations feel too obvious to even mention.) However, sharing your notions of how things “ought to be” helps you and your spouse to come to a consensus about what works best for your family.
It’s OK to take a breather.

Crying is not my body’s response to emotional stimuli but being silence work for me better. For others, the issue may be tears or not tears, anger or confusion. It’s OK to take a time-out and burn-off the emotional energy. A time-out can lead to more rational thinking and more loving feelings. When you come back, you both have gotten a much-needed break from a stressful conversation and are prepared to contribute to the conversation maturely. It works wonders. Taking a break from conflicts allows you to focus on the issue at hand, not how you feel about it.
You’re allowed to have an opinion.

One of the things I love best about my husband is that he is so easygoing. It’s hard to ruffle his feathers and he’s generally happy to just go along with what I want at time. If your spouse is not usually the one to make decisions, she may enjoy a reminder that you want to know what she has to say on the subject. Try having a conversation where you simply learn about your spouse’s feelings and philosophies. Remember, however, that your spouse still gets the prerogative to be indifferent, especially if that’s one of his basic personality traits. Soliciting your sweetheart’s point of view is meant to be loving, not stressful.
“Do-overs” are lifesavers.

While it would be wonderful if we always said the right thing and never hurt each other’s feelings, my husband and I have many moments that we wish we could take back. That’s when we ask, “Can I try that again?” We re-enact the situation much more favourably, employing sympathy and enthusiasm instead of indifference or condescension.

This is one of my favourite things about our marriage dynamic. “Do-overs” give closure to a situation that didn’t go the way we’d hoped, not to mention giving us practice with doing things the right way. This is something we hope to implement with our children by God’s grace, too. After all, we all do a lot better given a second chance.

My husband and I certainly aren’t long-time pros at this whole marriage thing, but we do have a happy, strong relationship that helps us to have fun and become better people. Who wouldn’t want that? By being open about expectations, taking breathers, soliciting opinions, and trying again after messing up, we hope that our marriage, and yours, becomes the lasting, loving relationship we all hope and strive for.